Cement ponds and Blood Suckers

Tomorrow we will be meeting with our architect & surveyor at the property to go over our house placement, and we will be staking the house! I am so excited! No Vampires will be harmed in the process, I promise. 

Bite me

  Yes. I adore Vampires. The True Blood Vampires, not the bats. 

"There's a sucker born every minute"- PT Barnum

 

We met with the EPA people regarding the septic tank system/placement back in January. Who knew it was so complicated? All these rules for our umm...errr....poop. And "leach field"?? I had no idea what that meant. I was thinking it had something to do with "The African Queen", but I was wrong. Equally nasty, though, are they not? The leaching & the leeching, not Bogie. 

"One thing in the world I hate: leeches. Filthy little devils."- Charlie Allnut 

  

I had to really keep an eye on Tractor Dan with this particular part of the building process. You see, I have been promised an in-ground pool for almost 15 years now. Aaand....still no cement pond here. When he told me last year that he was thinking about buying property & building in the country, I told him I had 2 conditions he had to agree to before I would even consider this idea. One, an in-ground pool had to be in BEFORE he moved me out to God's country. Two, a finished basement. He's good with the finished basement, but really does not want a pool. Too. Bad. We NEED a pool. We will be having grandchildren at some point, and how can I be the favorite Grandma without a pool? 

He thinks our imaginary grandchildren will be fine with just having a pond at Grandma & Grandpa's. Except he forgot about the part where I hate ponds. I will not swim in a body of water with critters. Plus, the bottom of the pond feels all mushy, like I'm stepping in fish poop. Gross!! And there could be real leeches in there! I don't like fishing either, because I will not touch worms, so the pond thing is out for me.

  

Our non-cement pond

I was afraid Dan would pull a fast one on me and tell me that the septic tank placement or leach field would prohibit an in-ground pool. So, I went to that "crappy" meeting last January, in the bitter cold, and kept reminding the architect & EPA dude to make sure they kept our future in-ground pool in mind. I'm tricky smart like that...I think...

  

I don't want a huge in-ground pool, just big enough for myself and a few pool boys  grandkids. Of course, once again, my idea of "big enough" is very different than the old man's. 

  

He would be happy with this:

  

Or this: 

Or even this:

  

While I would be happy with this: 

  

Or this: 

  

Or even this: 

We finally decided on a pool size. It will be just right. Like this:  

I cannot even wait to have a pool! By next summer, I will be enjoying it, in all its chlorinated glory. Lounging, laughing, and enjoying some adult beverages- oh my...cannot wait! Now I just have to get my girls going on the grandkids thing. They need to get moving. Imaginary Granny's not getting any younger, and neither are their eggs. 

I'd love advice or opinions about selecting our new cement pond! So many things to learn about & consider! Covers, cleaners, chemicals, lighting, slides, diving boards, steps, filters,ropes, ladders...it's a bit overwhelming. Just don't tell the old man I said that.

Well, hello!

Welcome to my blog. This is my first attempt at blogging in the home building/decor/crafty-foshizzle arena.

I'm a 40 something gal married to my high school sweetheart. We have 3 grown daughters and 2 dogs. I have a shoe collection that rivals Carrie Bradshaw's older/fatter sister. I like big hair bands and show tunes. I like not-too-shabby, yet chic decor. I love to sew and adore painting furniture, even though it makes my husband cringe (my love for painted wood, not my sewing). I love to cook and look forward to being my future grandchildren's favorite Grandma. I hate camping and asparagus.

I grew up in the city and have only been to a farm once, when I was in pre-school. They had to call my dad to come pick me up because I was sure the horse wanted to kill me. I am deathly afraid of farm animals, although they are mighty delicious when cooked the right way. But I do love barns! Odd. I find it difficult to sleep without hearing sirens, airplanes, and the occasional cry for help.

I like strappy sandals and somewhat slutty-chic clothing. I do not own a pair of jorts and I never wear gym shoes. I have never been on a tractor, because my husband is sure I will kill/seriously maim myself, and let's be honest- 3 inch heels for prosthetic limbs are hard to come by.

Even though I am a city girl, I have never been "green". I rarely recycle. I know, I know, shame on me. Whatever. A girl can change...so much so that our new house will be fairly green. As in recycled barn wood, very energy efficient appliances, and a geothermal thing-y. Heck, I thought "geothermal" was some fancy name for hideous long underwear. Who knew?

Yes, yes, I know that to be truly green, I would be re-habbing an exisiting house instead of building a new one on 40 acres and not cutting down trees for my driveway. Cut me some slack. We are going to be using some of the wood for our home. And, most of the trees were "junk trees", full of vines that were killing the "good" trees. Justification? Probably. Yes. But once that is done, we will be attempting to be good somewhat decent earth people, although I will never use re-usable grocery bags, because I am a germaphobe.

"We have a pool and a pond...the pond would be good for you"

I eventually want to plant some fruit trees, some berry patches, and perhaps even a few bee hives. Wait. Does one "plant" bee hives? Not sure, but I am looking into it, you know, because it is a farm, and I have to do something "farm-like". I like to think I will be making fruit preserves to give to my family and friends, even though I have never canned anything in my life, other than a few employees and boyfriends. Oops. Our farm will have no animals, though, other than our dogs. The thought of little chickens flying around and pecking my eyes out terrifies me. Wait. Do chickens fly? I know their wings are delicious with hot sauce. ;)

It really is going to be like "Green Acres", but with less diamonds and without the sexy accent Lisa Douglas had. Oh, and I don't think Lisa Douglas liked to cuss, so fair warning- Faux Pas Farm Gal has a $%^& mouth like a sailor. I will try to put a lid on the bad words.

My husband will be the general contracter as we build our home. I designed the floor plan, and we are going for a country-farmhouse with a southern/low country feel to it. The slab for one of the outbuildings has been poured, and we are meeting with our architect this week for him to get the ball rolling on our plans. We are really excited to begin this process. I hope you join us and feel free to give your opinions on my ideas for our new home as I post them.

So this post gives you a rough idea about me. My husband likes the country. I like the city. But, we like each other most of the time, and this is the beginning of a new chapter in our life together. It is going to be very interesting...as long as he doesn't run over me with his tractor.

Tractor Dan...with a wagon to haul my corpse....